So, you want to be an Avenger?
by A-Box-Of-Scraps
Summary: This manual, created by Steve Rogers, will help you achieve this goal! In this manual/guide, you will find advice, tips, guidelines, and helpful nuggets of information to speed you will on your way! ( We are not responsible for any deaths, injuries, maiming, or other bodily harm occurred by following the tips in this guide.)


**Good news! I robbed a bank and with the money I stole, managed to buy Marvel! I own the Avengers, Stark Industries, and Loki's stupid helmet! **

**Oh, wait. Yeah, none of that is actually true. I don't even own the picture. **

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So, you want to be an Avenger?

You want to fight crime? Pull off the skin tight Spandex look? Meet Captain America, Iron Man, the Hulk, (*) Thor, or some deadly assassins? Would you be that person with the freaky and unnatural super ability everybody looks up to? Do you want to be worshiped by fangirls/boys? Do you wish to fly on a super-cool vanishing helicarrier that vanishes for no reason other then posterity's sake?

Do you want to be a hero?

Well, if so, then you came to the right place.

Follow our easy 5 step guide, and this ambitious (and highly unrealistic) dream (With a bit of luck!) will (maybe!) come true!

Step One: _Make a name for yourself._

As all superheroes go, the most successful ones (Spider Man, Iron Man, Thor, Captain America ext.) have some sort of cryptic back-story that your younger siblings won't understand. They also have fought crime, or helped people, and generally sacrificed everything for the greater good. This is important. Note the keywords _Helped People. _And _Greater good. _There is a difference between super hero, and super villain. If you become a super villain, you will be hunted down by the Avengers, jailed, and forgotten about because the Avengers are more likely more interesting then you at this point in your career. The lesser heroes (Furniture boy, Hamster Girl, Geek-head, ext.) all have gone astray on this step, as well as just being boring. Be sure to have a cool name, and maybe a catchphrase. 'Sha-zam,' 'Have a fillet of fist,' 'Who goes there,' and 'Stop right there, Jerk-o' are all popular choices.

You need to _stand out from the crowd. _

Good ways to achieve this are A) Having a flashy costume. Be noticeable! B) Being seen doing heroic things, and saving people, as well as just flaunting said flashy costume C) Having a high status, and making press for other ways then just getting drunk all the time. (^) D) **Have a super power! **You need to have some kind of special ability that makes you a good candidate for a crime fighter. (Super Toaster is a example of somebody who didn't differentiate good culinary skills with super powers, and met a tragic end in the last round of '_Chopped.' _Or maybe it was_ 'Iron Chef.'_ Don't really remember._) _If you don't have a super power, at least be interesting. Natasha and Clint are also good examples of this. They have no super powers, but they have distinguishing characteristics that make them cool. THEY'RE Avengers, aren't they?

Step Two:_ Get a base of Operations. (Lair)_

You need a strong, sturdy, home base. It has to be someplace not to far away as to be unreachable, but far enough away to be undetected. You need your supplies to be safe there, and a place to sleep and eat, as well as a place that can stand up to your enemies attacking at the wee hours of the morning. Robbers, thieves, kidnappers, and villains are very inconsiderate like this. They hardly ever give you a proper warning when their going to attack, so your base needs to stand up even when you're sleeping/taking that tropical vacation that you've always wanted/in the shower.

So, that tree fort in your lawn is not recommended. (#)

If you have a army bunker in the basement, however, or a bomb shelter, that would do the trick. Stock the base with provisions to last a while (In case you ever fall under siege and never forget water. Make it cool! Another suggestion is to have a signal. For example, take Batman. One day he and his friend Robin were practicing shadow puppets, the next day he and his side kick Robin were running out to the Bat-mobile to right crime.

If you have no other option, you can go for a Costco. It's made out of steel, there is enough supplies to hold off a army, and the baddies can't get in without a membership.

Step Three: _Attract a Villain, or some other foe. _

I understand that this sounds strange. But a good hero needs someone to clash with, and to prove their skill against. Don't make it a suicidal villain. It's always good to at least have a prayer of winning. Matching up Weed-boy with Sumo-Wrestler-Tex isn't such a smart move. Then again, the villain will find you.

It's not as if you can say, _'Stop, foul demon! I have no chance of beating you! Leave now, and send your younger sister instead!'_ That was attempted by a strange young fellow, who met an untimely death when it turned out that the younger sister was really four times his height, and six times as strong. We buried what was left of him with a teaspoon. Just keep your head on straight, don't make any stupid choices, and train hard. You should be alright.

Step Four:_ Wait for it...__  
_

Now comes the boring part. Waiting. Just keep doing what your doing, building up your victories, earning respect, fighting crime, and updating your lair. Watch the news nightly (CBC news is recommended. Crime Busters Canada.) for updates, and generally rock it. If the Avengers want you, you'll know. They will send a representative if they think that you're up to scratch, so we have included a portfolio of the different Avengers below. So you'll recognize them.

**Director Fury: **The Good Director is very memorable. He's quite hunky, has a imposing death glare, and a nasty habit of making you fell lower then the earthworms. Tony Stark calls him 'The Pirate Man' behind his back, but this is NOT recommended for first impressions. Calling him 'Sir' is more to his taste. Only has one eye, and wears a black eye patch.

**Agent Phil Coulson: **Always very smartly dressed. Sometimes carries a briefcase, which you should NEVER open. We repeat NEVER touch his stuff. EVER. Neatly combed hair. Is nice enough, but should NEVER be underestimated. Calling him 'Agent,' 'Coulson,' or any mix of the two is fine for starters. He may ask you to call him Phil, if your last name isn't spelled S-T-A-R-K, or if you really tick him off. (NOT recommended) Unusually fond of the show, '_Super Nanny.' _

**Anthony Stark: **My friends call me Tony. You can call me either Anthony or your highness. I look devilishly handsome, obviously, and a distinguishing characteristic would be the glowing blue arc reactor in my chest. Jeez. Now go away, Capsicle, and stop asking me stupid questions for that equally stupid guide you're writing.

**Steve Rogers: **Also known as Captain America. Somewhat of an artist, and rides a motorcycle. (Dubbed 'The motorcycle of justice' by Clint Barton) Wears the red white and blue uniform, as well as carries around a shield.

**Thor Odinson: **VERY hard to over look in a crowd. Long red cape, battle armor, evil-looking hammer, and long-ish blonde hair. Enjoys mead. Looks as if he wandered out of the Globe theater, and should be in the middle of a Shakespeare play.

**Bruce Banner: **Do. Not. Tick. Him. Off. Unless. You. Want. The. Life. Forcibly. Removed. From. Your. Body. He's a shy man, but has a ... nasty temper. Gamma radiation expert, fiddles with his glasses, and a dry witty sense of humor.

**The Hulk: **If you are meeting him, you must have somehow made Bruce loose his temper. Correct? Thought so. Now, stop reading this guide and run for your life.

**Natasha Romanoff: **Drop-dead gorgeous, deadly, red haired, and all-round amazing. May speak in Russian. If so, that's a warning sign. She is nice, and if she is trying to recruit you, you should keep in mind that she could probably kill you with a postcard. She probably won't, though, because her self control is only part of what makes her so terrifying. Partners with Clint Barton.

**Clint Barton: **Sandy tousled hair, piercing blue eyes, deadly aim, and hilarious. A witty sense of humor. Natasha's partner in crime. (More often then not, quite literally) Rugged. Never misses, and uses a bow and arrows. Awesome chef. But, most of all, modest.

Step Five: _Congratulations...? _

There are two possible outcomes here. A) You have been accepted into Avengers Initiative. B) You are living in a broken down apartment somewhere with Peter Parker, and wishing that Tony had broken the bad news to you a bit gentler. IF you didn't make it into the Avengers, to bad. You obviously screwed up somewhere, or have been denied entrance into the Avengers. You can either take this two ways. One, you failed in your quest for super hero stardom. You can mope, sulk, eat Ben and Jerry's ice cream in bed, or go on strike. Just do whatever the heck you want to do. Or, Two, you can celebrate! Yay! Not only are you still a super-crime-fighter, but you don't have to put up with Tony! You don't have to worry about being pranked! You don't have to worry about Clint Barton unexpectedly dropping down from the vents! Hurrah you! Now, if you DID make it into the Avengers, frankly, I'm surprised. But impressed. So congratulations are in order.

Congratulations.

However, you DO have to worry about such things as Tony, Pranks, Coffee maker fiascos, the Hulk accidentally being unleashed on your face, and an angry Pepper Potts. I will be making another guide called 'Living with the Avengers: How to prevent insanity' but it isn't up yet.

Until then, good luck. And thank you.

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(*) Meeting the Hulk is not strongly recommended. Smile- You're Going to Die Incorporated is not responsible for any injuries, deaths, messed up hairstyles, broken bones, or orthodontist funding in relation to said Hulk. Meeting Iron Man isn't strongly recommended either, actually, and we are not responsible for what verbal threats, chemical burns, or offensive shove-offs he may inflict on you, as well as colorful nicknames.

(^) A good example of this is Tony Stark, also known as Iron Man. It seems to work for him, but it's highly unlikely your a genius billionaire, so this approach may not work for you. Tony is a ... unusual case.

(#) UNLESS, of course, your tree fort is a super-secret spy hideaway that can defend you against super villains. If so, why the heck did you put it splat-bang in your lawn?

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**Like it? You don't have to review- I won't force you- But they are appreciated.**


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